5:30am. why am i not sleeping? i should be tired. my laptop is running out of battery. goddammit. i’m not looking forward to sunday. it’s my least favourite day of the YEAR: having to go burn some stuff for my dead grandfather. uncomfortable physical sensations for absolutely no reason - because no, i do not believe in life after death, and even if i did, i still wouldn’t be able...
As if walking around malls every single fucking day could fill any hole.
ugh i hate myself *whiny*
First book i’ve read in months: The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes. So good.
I felt rather sad and empty tonight so I ate fuckloads of junk food and now I feel sick. As usual. Love my life. Flying in less than two days and I haven’t started packing. Haven’t even made a list. I’m so tired, I can’t think straight. People keep talking over one another and no one ever listens.
Home soon. Caaaan’t fucking wait. Even though there isn’t much to look forward to. I don’t know. Life is so… Flat. And empty. But i’d rather be home than here. I’m just so fucking sick of lessons and exam technique and just… Being around the same people. Even though I like these people. But literally, 24/7. And the same stores. Even though I like these...
I love pretty writing. I love leaves on the ground. I love our conversations and how they always make me smile stupidly at the computer screen. I love scrambled eggs. I love £2.50 waffles on Oxford Street. I love Christmas songs. I love the stars and the moon. I love sunrise. I love our inside jokes. I love large gooey cookies. I love being awake when nobody is and feeling infinite like I have the...
my first sleepless night.
over here in the land of grass and rain asdfghjkl just vomited out my distorted soul onto paper i acquired from the exam hall insomniaaa
Need to revise for econ but all I feel like doing is writing letters. What is this ridiculousness zzzz surely I should be stressed, but I feel strangely calm. Lalalalalallalalalalala am so screwed for maths on thursday, with all that tricksy integration shizz that i’m planning on… Revising thru reading the textbook. Which is not how one is supposed to revise for maths, but too fucking...
I like reading people’s diaries and people’s letters and really just any tidbits of free flowing unbridled thought. Run on sentences and repeated adjectives and raw emotion. What people are really like when they think no one else is looking. (i suppose this isn’t really the case in letterwriting but they’re nice anyhow. They don’t expect anyone else other than the...
I am so weirdly not-scared about these mocks and everything is so weirdly chilled and i’m overusing the word weird. What happened to old panicky me? I’m just a bit pissed at myself for eating a shitload of biscuits, because I feel sick as usual. Eating dinner makes me sick. Even if dinner is just biscuits. What’s wrong with life. I should be making econ notes. But I just...
Things i've discovered in 2012
i. a poem ii. saudade iii. einaudi iv. les miserables
It’s mocks tomorrow and I am going into these mocks far more unprepared than I had for my previous mocks but it’s all alright and I feel alright and I will survive and it will be Easter and I will descend back into my safe and ridiculously clean home and I will watch lots of tv and stay up very late doing nothing and it will be fine. It will be fine. I do miss you though.
I now naturally wake up at around 7:45am. ……… Growing up?
i was fine before, and i will be fine again, but before that happens, i will crash. i must crash. i always crash. can i please not crash during mocks?
What is my life even. MOCKS IN THREE DAYS. REVISE WILL I. INSTEAD OF JUST PROCRASTINATING DOING FUCK ALL. I don’t have notes, I don’t have anything, I’m not doing anything, I’m not intellectually well, I’m not emotionally well, mocks in three days, what am I doing. At least last year I was happy.