April 2011
46 posts
I remember how I understood plenty of things early on but still wanted to keep asking because I kept wishing the situation would change. Thus I acted immature but it wasn’t really out of ignorance. And that’s a fine distinguisher I guess.
Whenever I think of my ‘childhood’ it’s a whole blur with some specific events, different blurs for specific years. I don’t...
3 tags
“With so much at stake, was he afraid of failure, of being just one more...”
– Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
even though i’m suffocating under the whole, exams very soon, why aren’t you revising, stop playing tetris, thing, i feel joyful as hell. up until now i hadn’t realised how much i had come to dislike school, how much school had become an oppressive force. but now i’m free. fuck yeah.
2 tags
“The drunk kids, the catholics, they’re all about the same
They’re...”
– Bright Eyes (Drunk Kid Catholic)
Here’s a problem. I always feel like I’m acting, in some way or another. I can even catch myself at it, acting differently to different people and in different situations. This causes problems when two groups of people appear at the same place and I don’t know how to act. But there are other, more subtle things. Sometimes, I’m not even sure if what I profess to be my...
the insanity has started. i need to get out of the house. i’m getting out of the house tomorrow, good. that means another day without revision, bad. watched hours and hours of movies today. lotr trilogy. you know how long that is. very epic and all. tetrising the boring parts away. then i miss the good parts, oh fuck. rewind. watch again. get bored. life sucks shit. extra ict, art, and then...
4 tags
“No Brain, No Pain.
Siliconsciousness.
I wander from Space to Space.
Wanna...”
– Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood (fridge magnets: (top) at Watson-Crick, (bottom) at RejoovenEsense
Sometimes I start doubting whether we’re really friends at all. But then the doubt can never sink in too deep, I don’t know why. I suppose it’s because our friendship is too strong. But that sounds silly because it doesn’t seem like that at all. I don’t know. fldajsflksajfkl;ds. Just glad to have known you.
Sometimes, we write about what we call reality so that we can weave a delicate fiction on it, and believe it. It’s impossible to record anything monumental in an unbiased way. So, really, everything is fiction.
Well, I am definitely experiencing the "I may...
I need to feel to be able to write, and I can’t feel anything. I am numb and pissed off, impatient and empty. There’s a goal, but the road in front of it’s all muddy and all the trees have fallen down and there’s this massive fog covering everything a meter or two away. So what I do, what I do all the time, is decide to give up and sit down on the fucking awful, broken down...
4 tags
From Nothing Gets Crossed Out by Bright Eyes:
The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts. My head is a carousel of pictures— The spinning never stops.
This creates the prettiest picture in my mind.
5 tags
“But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say aren’t meant...”
– Bright Eyes (Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh)
“AVC: Is being an outspoken folksinger as effective as it used to be? Is it a...”
Interview with Conor Oberst →
A while after Fevers and Mirrors was released.
The entire thing is golden.
3 tags
“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not...”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)
I love Econ. It is the only subject that can make me totally emotionless and bloodless (in Maths I get too excited about getting answers to questions and in Science I get amused by all the different names and fancy scientific things and experiments and whatnot because at GCSE level it is so not theoretical). I can refer to humans as LABOUR and RESOURCES as if they were not individual people with...
“In a house, by myself, I hear the ice start to melt and watch rooftops weep for...”
– Bright Eyes (False Advertising)
myerbriggs:
“I read once where the INTP dark side creates a predisposition to mitigate boredom or unpleasantness or chronic dissatisfaction with habitual, but not addictive, overindulgence in such things as drinking.”
Nice to know that my brother won’t become a drunk.
It’s funny how I know that 4s tend to be depressed and morbid and that INTJs are heartless beings and yet I still love my type(s). It’s like I’m masochistic or something but I swear, I swear, I do want to be happy and I want to be like those carefree people who can solve problems so easily because they don’t overthink and they just DO which is so much more practical—
...
I try to be less cynical and less sarcastic (to the point where I think I’ve lost my ability to be sarcastic completely) but don’t kid, I still think those things and I still find it hard to believe anything other than that I am an insignificant piece of dust that momentarily lands on Earth to float somewhere else very, very soon so what matters?
And you could say the people I meet...
“L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (Le Petit Prince)
Yeah, now I can just attribute everything to my Enneagram type. Because it kind-of explains everything. And whenever I start thinking more deeply about what I think about, I just find that it fits the description more and more. Kind of glad. Now there’s more coherence. I need to do work. I want to live alone.
I hold SO many imaginary conversations with people in real life—only of course, in my imagination, some aspects of them are exaggerated and others omitted. This usually takes place during my showers, when I’m all alone and have absolutely nothing to direct my thoughts to; and THIS is the result. I dream up of all the things I will tell you, although those things may not even be true;...
4 tags
“My head feels weak
and suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me...”
– Bright Eyes (Waste of Paint)
Personal Growth Recommendations for Enneagram Type...
littlesleep:
Sorry followers for the spam. Still, if you are somewhat like me, this is all really useful stuff:
Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: “From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important ...
