why has life changed so much

i don’t get it

Studying stalin’s russia and sometimes it feels like he did would be what I would do if I managed to become a dictator of a massive uncontrollable country like russia. I’d be as paranoid as he was.

It’s difficult to argue with someone when, at the core, you believe in everything they’re saying, and they’re arguing from the point you usually argue from. That humans are inherently selfish and only care about pleasing themselves and a person can’t ever purely like another person without an underlying reason: security, self-bolstering, social image. People never purely do something for someone else, can never be completely selfless, even if they’re deluding themselves into thinking they are. 

A week till exams and I am doing NOTHING. 

I should panic, I should panic, I should panic.

Hah, stupid exams are stupid. 

To do in a day because I don’t want to revise.

heckyeahtumblrchallenges:

Day 1- Your favorite book and why
1984. The ending made me cripplingly sad and I don’t know why. 

Day 2- A quote from said book
Under the spreading chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me. 

Day 3- Your favorite author and favorite book by them
I have four favourite authors, so this is difficult.
But I’ll go with Fyodor Dostoyevsky and Crime and Punishment. 

Day 4- Your favorite book from your childhood
The Wind on Fire trilogy. Admittedly this was P6+.  

Day 5- Guilty pleasure book
Any of the leftover books I have from primary school years. Like the Power of Five series.  

Day 6- If you were stranded on a desert island, what book would you want?
How to survive on a desert island. I’m expecting there to be such a book.

Day 7- Favorite movie adaptation of a book
Oh, this is hard. I keep my movies and books separate. I’ll just be boring and go with Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone because it was so cute.

Day 8- Favorite quote from any book
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt - Slaughterhouse-Five 

Day 9- What are you currently reading?
1Q84. Slow progress because I’m supposed to be revising.  

Day 10- Write a review of the last book you read
That would be The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. I don’t really feel like writing a full-length review. It was a very interesting, very readable book. My brother was hugely interested in it and borrowed it straight after I finished reading it and finished it in half a day. 

Day 11- Favorite book you had to read for school
Probably Of Mice and Men, before we analysed it to death. 

Day 12- Favorite classic
Crime and Punishment. 

Day 13- Favorite poet
I’m not really a poetry person. I have one favourite poem and it’s by Mikael de Lara Co, so I’ll say him. 

Day 14- Post your favorite poem
“Poem That Had Some Difficulty With the First Line”
Mikael de Lara Co

I’ve always wanted to begin a poem
with the line, “I’ve always wanted
to begin.” Now I have. Best to end here,

but then the universe is expanding
back into its black beginnings,
and space, aware of its own looming demise,

is singing of possibilities. I’m almost over, it sings,
it’s almost over and sooner or later we’d be left
with nothing but time. If we live that long.

Sometime before then all our dialects
will have moored on the gray sands of forgetting,
all our sad words will have started

to repeat themselves, as if sound didn’t dissipate
into stillness, as if not everything has been said before.
Here, let me tell you a joke: I am a man of faith.

Or a child, a tree, some living thing
that will someday be a dead thing.
What does faith have to do with it? I know;

it isn’t funny. Nothing funny about mortality,
how movement bleeds into clockwork,
how clockwork succumbs to its own igneous finitude.

How we aid entropy by being born.
See? I only wanted to begin, now I’m humming
the ghost-heavy refrain of imminent endings.

In that song about possibilities, someone
is hurling an empty bottle skyward. I see you:
You’re imagining it slowing towards its peak,

anticipating gravity, its ruthless duty. Stop.
Don’t. Let’s go. Let’s not be around when it shatters.
Let’s not wait for an ending. 

Day 15- Recommend 5 books to your lovely followers :)
Well, any of the books I mentioned as good up there. +: Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, East of Eden by John Steinbeck, Island by Aldous Huxley, The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes, and Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut.  

made by a-collective-hunch

sometimes i close my eyes and pretend to step away from my body and cup my life in my hands and gaze down at all its glory, all its fractures and mistakes and beautiful moments and sudden endings and change, the only constant, because nothing ever lasts. but new things come along, and the vulnerable orb i hold in my hand is only an infant and pulsating with light and there are so many things to come, so many more mistakes to be made and beautiful moments to be experienced and ends to fall from the sky. 

life goes on.